My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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