She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
