Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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