Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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