I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
