my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
