Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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