I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
