so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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