I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
