I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
