I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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