the condom got lost in my hair
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How does it feel to date your dad?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
