I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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