Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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