If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
