my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
