Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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