that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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