out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
