Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
