Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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