I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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