I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
