SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
