Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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