Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
