i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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