I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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