Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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