come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
