I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
