I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
