Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
