And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
