Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
