I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
