1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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