Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
