i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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