1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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