I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
