I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
