Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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