i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
