yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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