shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
