New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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