You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
