So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
