you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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