I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we made out on top of his cat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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