i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
