Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
