At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My feet surprised me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
