Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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