I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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