so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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