Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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