there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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