I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This girl is more easily done than said...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
