Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
