someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
