Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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