It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
