i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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