The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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