dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
